I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
