2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
