If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
