All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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