So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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