I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
