I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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