I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
