Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She even gives head with a lisp.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
