Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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