I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
