Just fell off a train. Bad.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
