Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
