were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
