Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
