sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
