Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize