She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
