fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
