somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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