If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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