I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
