While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
