I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
