I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
