I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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