I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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