My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
