I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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