Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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