In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
