I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
