if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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