i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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