Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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