Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
