A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
