Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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