Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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