wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
