I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
