Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
