can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
