Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
