i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
