My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
