there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
