so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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