The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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