It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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