Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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